fall '08 is just flying by.
i can't believe week 5 is already coming to a close. one more month and then it's finals! eek.
it's been so hard to keep a level head amidst all my schoolwork and other responsibilities, but i think morning devos are probably the only things that keep me sane.
these days i've just been turning to the lovely little jem of a book called...Ephesians! i think it's amazing, uplifting, encouraging...a real source of strength and a reminder of everything that i've been striving to do this year: to depend upon God and ask Him to work in me, to show love to people, to imitate Christ...and i think it's all working out well, or i hope it is.
i'm learning three things...
#1: prioritizing. it's so easy to get caught up in schoolwork, but it's also just as easy to avoid schoolwork & do things that just waste time and have little to no intrinsic value. and then where does God fit in in all of this? i would have to say that...God is #1. i am a christian. i firmly believe that if you are right with God, all things will fall into place. i learned that over summer through ghana and i think i'm re-discovering that. with that said, if God is #1, i would say that school is #2. kcm is #3, maybe? it is a priority, no doubt, but most definitely not #1, cause i think that my personal relationship with God and my responsibilites as a member of servant team are different entities. or maybe not. as a christian i'm called to serve, and kcm is the way i formally serve. then again, there are other ways to serve and not formally give it a title. i don't know. i'm still working on this.
#2: the power of prayer. sounds cliche, right? but there's so much strength in prayer. i'm learning to abandon conventional prayer...the thing where you close your eyes and bow your head and put your hands together. for a long time i thought that THAT was the only real way to pray. now...i pray at odd hours of the day. or maybe it's not praying, but i spend time with God. just talking to Him, seeking Him....whenever i can. it was weird at first, but i feel like my relationship with God is growing that much more because now i'm figuring out how to talk and listen to Him in all aspects of my life. my favorite time to talk to God would be when i'm driving back and forth between school and home. the drive is about an hour and a half, on average (sometimes 2 hours if there's traffic...stupid 101...stupid valley). and a lot of the time, i just talk to God and spend time with Him that way. it keeps me alert, and it allows me to talk to God without feeling like i have to be so formal or proper with Him. i can let out my frustrations, my worries, my contentments, my joy...it's extremely effective. i encourage everyone to try it. really...God is listening. and He's not afraid to show that He's listening, if i'm willing to listen to Him as well.
#3: self-preservation is not conducive to outreach. i've always been into self-preservation, mainly because i like the idea of nothing being able to affect me if i don't let it affect me. i suppose that kind of makes me a control freak. but outreach is not about protecting yourself and saving yourself from disappointment, or avoiding situations that might turn out to be negative. outreach entails just what its title indicates: reaching out of the ministry. i've never felt so inadequate in my entire life, but i think this self-preservation thing is holding me back. i'm naturally just a very careful person, but maybe i need a little recklessness to be able to fulfill my position as outreach in kcm because that's how we're supposed to worship- with reckless abandon. this is also a work in progress.
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
(ahahah i love philippians too, but i'll save that for another time :D)
